Posted by: theresegilardi | July 30, 2011

Don’t Abandon Your Baby

Greetings Six Sundayers! I hope you are all winding down a great weekend. Today’s post is an excerpt from my poem, “Don’t Abandon Your Baby”.

Six Sentence Sunday:

I was almost killed by the county coroner, at that vortex where the 405 merges with the 101. You know what I mean, where you wanna blink,but know you don’t have the time, where you know the road’s grated wrong but the DOT figures the pavement’s gonna resettle after the big one anyway so why fix it now. I was behind his wide white sedan with its slick silver fat fenders wrapped round chunky backseat doors that you just know have one of those master locks that gives the driver control, but this guy doesn’t need that cause hey he’s the coroner so he’s God himself standing between the living and the dead.  I was tailgating if you must know, but that’s the only way to get anywhere in this town, and suddenly he stopped short and I was so so so close to breaking through that fourth wall,right splat onto the pavement – Ginger Chan would’ve had to call a sig alert – and falling onto the coroner’s big baby blue block letter bumper sticker, the one that says “Don’t Abandon Your Baby”, right under where “CORONER” is written in all black caps on that wide sedan, white as a wedding limo or an undertaker’s handkerchief. I didn’t abandon my baby. I was abandoned by my baby, on one of those glum November mornings when even the sun wants to slope below the horizon and the world is all slanty cause somebody forgot to tell Mother Nature about daylight savings time dis dis disappearing into the distance and the streets are full of old Halloween candy wrappers rotting like corpses.

As always, THANK YOU for your visit! May you have a wonderful week.

You will find more Six Sentence Sunday reads at: http://sixsunday.blogspot.com/

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Responses

  1. Therese, you are my hero of flow. I love your pace, you control it so well. Fantastic excerpt. Thank you for sharing.

  2. “white as a wedding limo or an undertaker’s handkerchief.” awesome discription. Therese, I keep getting slapped for sentences longer than ten word, these are beautifully done.

  3. Great six, I could really imagine him speaking as I read it.

  4. Incredible voice and I want to read more.

  5. With a jazzy rhythm and the opening (almost killed by the county coroner), this excerpt sets a time and place and even a culture without anything more in the picture than a stretch of road and two cars.

    • ah, thanks! it seems you know so cal culture, lol

  6. This is flat out beautiful writing. Period. Thanks for sharing.

    • sondra, i am saving your comment – thank you!

  7. Very nice, being from the Pacific north west, the *glum November morning* instantly put me right there.

    • oh i love the pacific northwest. you’re lucky!

  8. You have a unique, fast-paced writing style that is delightful. I liked the twist of the character almost being killed by the coroner. Having grown up in So. Cal, I can appreciate the vortex!

  9. thanks cara! there is nothing like those so cal intersections, is there?

  10. Very nice! Wonderful imagery and use of words to describe the transition into the longer nights.


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