Posted by: theresegilardi | June 11, 2011

Deadly Virtue No. 1

Happy Sunday! Maybe it’s the June gloom that’s settled over southern California. Or maybe it’s the palm fonds slapping at my window. Whatever the reason, I’ve decided to pull out an excerpt from my WIP, an experimental novel.

SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY:

It was the height of the disco era. I was in my three-piece yellow polyester suit and my blue and white cotton blouse, the one with those BAN anti perspirant stains. My fingers held the barrette that refused to stay in my hair even though my mother had given me a home perm – I still smelled like ammonia – before taking me to my first R-rated movie.  I was ten and I wanted to be someone, anyone, though mainly I longed to be C, with her monogrammed towels and her name with no vowels and her wise mother Nancy who never raised her golden toned voice or had spaghetti sauce splattered across the wide bust of her green and white Hawaiian print dress beneath the rust belt, the hub of broken axels, broken windows, broken daydreams.You know what I mean jelly-bean, it was one of those times you’re a day late and a dollar short.  Well I was having one of those decades which is a pretty big problem when you’re only ten.

Please check out this week’s other six sentence Sunday selections at: http://www.sixsunday.com/search/label/2011

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Responses

  1. Interesting six. I like it.

  2. Poor kid! Gotta feel sorry for her..hope the 80s were a better decade for her! Nice six xx

    • funny, joanne – i suspect the 80’s will be better.

  3. Interesting.

  4. I love it! I totally want to read more! Write fast!

  5. Interesting six.

  6. Interesting six. I like the last line.

    • thanks joanne, that last line is my favorite.

  7. Ouch! Her life sounds pretty messed up. Hope she finds her path and happiness

  8. This reads like the beginning of a captivating novel!

  9. From this six I’d say your experiment is going good 😉

  10. Intersting six and someone should tell her it doesn’t get any better either

  11. Interesting six.

  12. I love the contrast between the character’s mother and Nancy. Beautifully done.
    I didn’t post a Six Sentence entry this week, but I’m visiting some contributors to see their posts. Here’s my blog in case you want to stop by:
    Sandy’s Blog

    • thanks so much for coming by, and the link to your blog – hope you post next sunday!

  13. I love the narrator’s voice! Great snippet.

  14. Great six. Well done.

  15. Great six! I remember the ammonia smell of straightening my hair. Evocative.

    • isn’t that so true, jean? the ammonia smell lingers forever.

  16. Love it and even though I was too young in the seventies to relate…I have those days now…I try to have it all together, it just seems to escape me 😀 Great Six

    • thanks a lot for coming by, monique! i think the 70’s will go down as one of our weirdest eras….

  17. Gotta love those precocious kids who observe so much!

  18. I love “with her monogrammed towels and her name with no vowels” magnificent!

  19. Ugh, I can just smell the home perms I got at that age. Great visuals!

    • ah, the home perm – no wonder they don’t sell them anymore.

  20. HA! Totally could smell that perm. I remember those days. ;-D

    • talk about a blast from the past – about as fresh as disco ducks.

  21. I so remember those perms and that horrible smell

    • oh yeah, even now i swear i would recognize that smell anywhere.

  22. Very cute! I love your use of the senses.

    • well if there’s one thing those perms awaken it’s the sense of smell!

  23. So far as good! Love it.

  24. Sounds like this 10-year-old is already too jaded for her own good! Here’s hoping her tweens go a bit better.

    • thanks becca, fingers crossed for her, right?

  25. Ooh, I’m liking the sound of this already!

  26. God, perms!!! lol, great snippet!


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